Thu Dec 11

How to handle teen ‘big feelings’ as the social media ban kicks in

Written by: Christiane Kehoe, Senior Lecturer in Psychiatry, The University of Melbourne

Watching your teenager grieve the loss of their social media account can be confronting. Many are genuinely distressed or struggling ^[1] with the change, and many parents are unsure how to respond.

Australia’s social media ban, which started this week ^[2], means teens under the age of 16, have lost accounts to platforms such as TikTok, Snapchat and Instagram.

These are the platforms they relied on to talk to friends, find support, follow interests, or decompress after school.

While some teens feel relieved or not fussed, many are feeling sad, worried, powerless, helpless, disappointed or angry.

These aren’t signs of entitlement. They’re signs your teen may need support.

A mixed bag: here’s what more than 17,000 teenagers think of the ban.

Why losing social media hits some teens hard

There’s a neurological reason why the loss of social media can hit teens so hard.

Adolescence is a period of enormous social, neurological and emotional change ^[3]. Teen brains are wired for peer connection, and their brains become more sensitive to feedback from their peers. Meanwhile the brain regions responsible for impulse control, managing strong emotions and long-term planning are still developing.

When teens say losing social media feels like being “cut off”, they aren’t being dramatic. Their neurological systems are reacting to a loss of social reinforcement.

Connect and validate their feelings

If your teen is upset, the instinct might be to justify the government’s decision or to explain why life offline is healthier. However, advice lands badly when a young person feels unheard. Teens often perceive even well-meaning advice as criticism.

Accepting their feelings about the changes helps validate their experience ^[4]. You can say:

Feeling angry or sad makes total sense. I know you used those sites to stay connected with your friends.

Losing your account feels huge. It’s a big change to deal with.

Then pause and listen.

Or you can sit with them without saying much. Some teens prefer parents to just listen sympathetically.

Supporting your teen doesn’t mean you agree with their perspective. It means you’re acknowledging their emotional reality. When teens feel understood, they become more open to talking – and eventually, to problem-solving.

The first two weeks may be the toughest. Some teens may experience grief and withdrawal-like symptoms: boredom, anxiety, irritability, restlessness and a powerful urge to “just check once”.

Help teens understand these reactions are normal ^[5]. Social media platforms are designed to keep users hooked.

Understand the ‘why’ together

It might help to explore the governement’s concerns ^[6] about social media with your teen – but not as a lecture. The ban isn’t about social media being inherently bad, but about how platforms are designed.

You can talk about algorithms maximising engagement ^[7] using the same mechanisms as gambling to encourage dependence and addiction. Or you can talk about how feeds are personalised to keep users scrolling for longer ^[8].

Ask your teen what they think about these concerns. This isn’t about convincing them the ban is right, but developing their awareness of how digital platforms work. This prepares them for use when they’re older.

Help teens rebuild what social media gave them

To support your teen, it helps to understand the function social media played ^[9] in their life. Was it to:

connect with friends?
find community around a niche interest or identity?
share creative work, or find outlets for self-expression?
de-stress after a busy day?
know what others are talking about?

Once you understand this, you can help them find alternatives that genuinely meet their needs. They might be able to maintain:

connection by organising a get-together, make FaceTime calls, join clubs, or have group chats on allowed platforms
creativity by finding other outlets such as photography, video-making, music, writing, art, or gaming communities with safe age settings
relaxation by reading, exercise, podcasts, nature time, shows you can watch together.

Many teens won’t immediately know what they want to try. They may need time and space to have their feelings first. Once they are ready, inviting them to brainstorm a few options (without pressuring them) can help.

Problem-solve together, notice efforts

Once emotions settle, gently shift to collaborative problem-solving. You can ask:

What’s been the hardest part this week?

How could we help you stay connected in ways that are allowed?

What would make this change even a tiny bit easier?

Let your teen lead. Young people are much more likely to follow through on strategies they helped design.

Even small signs of coping deserve acknowledgement. You can say:

I can see you’ve been finding other ways to talk to friends. That takes maturity.

I’m proud of how open you’ve been about how you’re feeling.

But if something doesn’t work, treat it like an experiment. You can say:

OK, that didn’t help as much as we hoped. What else could we try?

Check in later

For teens, losing social media isn’t simply losing an app. It can feel like losing a community, a creative outlet, or a place where they felt understood.

Keep an eye out and offer opportunities to check in with how they are going. This ensures teens don’t navigate this transition alone or become secretive – and that your relationship remains a source of support.

The eSafety Commissioner ^[10] website explains why the rules were brought in and how they will work; youth mental health service headspace ^[11] has seven tips for navigating the social media ban; the Raising Children’s website explains ^[12] how teens use technology for entertainment; tips for digital wellness ^[13] and how to draw up a “contract ^[14]” for use of a child’s first phone are also available.