The Times Australia
The Times World News

.
Men's Weekly

.

Would you be happy as a long-term single? The answer may depend on your attachment style

  • Written by Christopher Pepping, Associate Professor in Clinical Psychology, Griffith University
Would you be happy as a long-term single? The answer may depend on your attachment style

Are all single people insecure? When we think about people who have been single for a long time, we may assume it’s because single people have insecurities that make it difficult for them to find a partner or maintain a relationship.

But is this true? Or can long-term single people also be secure and thriving?

Our latest research[1] published in the Journal of Personality suggests they can. However, perhaps unsurprisingly, not everybody tends to thrive in singlehood. Our study shows a crucial factor may be a person’s attachment style.

Singlehood is on the rise

Singlehood is on the rise around the world. In Canada, single status among young adults aged 25 to 29 has increased from 32% in 1981 to 61% in 2021[2]. The number of people living solo[3] has increased from 1.7 million people in 1981 to 4.4 million in 2021.

People are single for many reasons: some choose[4] to remain single, some are focusing on personal goals and aspirations[5], some report dating has become harder[6], and some become single again due to a relationship breakdown.

People may also remain single due to their attachment style. Attachment theory is a popular and well-researched model of how we form relationships with other people. An Amazon search for attachment theory[7] returns thousands of titles. The hashtag #attachmenttheory has been viewed over 140 million times[8] on TikTok alone.

What does attachment theory say about relationships?

Attachment theory suggests our relationships with others are shaped by our degree of “anxiety” and “avoidance”.

Attachment anxiety is a type of insecurity that leads people to feel anxious about relationships and worry about abandonment. Attachment avoidance leads people to feel uncomfortable with intimacy and closeness.

People who are lower in attachment anxiety and avoidance are considered “securely attached”, and are comfortable depending on others, and giving and receiving intimacy.

Read more: Is attachment theory actually important for romantic relationships?[9]

Single people are often stereotyped as being too clingy or non-committal[10]. Research comparing single and coupled people also suggests single people have higher levels of attachment insecurities[11] compared to people in relationships.

At the same time, evidence suggests many single people are choosing to remain single and living happy lives[12].

Single people represent a diverse group of secure and insecure people

In our latest research, our team of social and clinical psychologists examined single people’s attachment styles and how they related to their happiness and wellbeing.

We carried out two studies, one of 482 younger single people and the other of 400 older long-term singles. We found overall 78% were categorised as insecure, with the other 22% being secure.

Looking at our results more closely, we found four distinct subgroups of singles:

  • secure singles are relatively comfortable with intimacy and closeness in relationships (22%)

  • anxious singles question whether they are loved by others and worry about being rejected (37%)

  • avoidant singles are uncomfortable getting close to others and prioritise their independence (23% of younger singles and 11% of older long-term singles)

  • fearful singles have heightened anxiety about abandonment, but are simultaneously uncomfortable with intimacy and closeness (16% of younger singles and 28% of older long-term singles).

Insecure singles find singlehood challenging, but secure singles are thriving

Our findings also revealed these distinct subgroups of singles have distinct experiences and outcomes.

Secure singles are happy being single, have a greater number of non-romantic relationships, and better relationships with family and friends. They meet their sexual needs outside romantic relationships and feel happier with their life overall. Interestingly, this group maintains moderate interest in being in a romantic relationship in the future.

Anxious singles tend to be the most worried about being single, have lower self-esteem, feel less supported by close others and have some of the lowest levels of life satisfaction across all sub-groups.

Photo of a sad-looking middle-aged man lying in bed alone.
Singles with different attachment styles often have very different experiences. Fergus Coyle / Shutterstock[13]

Avoidant singles show the least interest in being in a romantic relationship and in many ways appear satisfied with singlehood. However, they also have fewer friends and close relationships, and are generally less satisfied with these relationships than secure singles. Avoidant singles also report less meaning in life and tend to be less happy compared to secure singles.

Fearful singles reported more difficulties navigating close relationships than secure singles. For instance, they were less able to regulate their emotions, and were less satisfied with the quality of their close relationships relative to secure singles. They also reported some of the lowest levels of life satisfaction across all sub-groups.

It’s not all doom and gloom

These findings should be considered alongside several relevant points. First, although most singles in our samples were insecure (78%), a sizeable number were secure and thriving (22%).

Further, simply being in a romantic relationship is not a panacea. Being in an unhappy relationship is linked to poorer life outcomes[14] than being single.

It is also important to remember that attachment orientations are not necessarily fixed. They are open to change[15] in response to life events.

Read more: Single doesn’t mean being lonely or alone[16]

Similarly, sensitive and responsive behaviours[17] from close others and feeling loved and cared about[18] by close others can soothe underlying attachment concerns and foster attachment security over time.

Our studies are some of the first to examine the diversity in attachment styles among single adults. Our findings highlight that many single people are secure and thriving, but also that more work can be done to help insecure single people feel more secure in order to foster happiness.

References

  1. ^ latest research (onlinelibrary.wiley.com)
  2. ^ 32% in 1981 to 61% in 2021 (www150.statcan.gc.ca)
  3. ^ living solo (www150.statcan.gc.ca)
  4. ^ some choose (www.ucpress.edu)
  5. ^ personal goals and aspirations (link.springer.com)
  6. ^ dating has become harder (www.pewresearch.org)
  7. ^ Amazon search for attachment theory (www.amazon.com.au)
  8. ^ over 140 million times (www.cnbc.com)
  9. ^ Is attachment theory actually important for romantic relationships? (theconversation.com)
  10. ^ too clingy or non-committal (journals.sagepub.com)
  11. ^ higher levels of attachment insecurities (onlinelibrary.wiley.com)
  12. ^ living happy lives (journals.sagepub.com)
  13. ^ Fergus Coyle / Shutterstock (www.shutterstock.com)
  14. ^ poorer life outcomes (doi.org)
  15. ^ change (www.sciencedirect.com)
  16. ^ Single doesn’t mean being lonely or alone (theconversation.com)
  17. ^ sensitive and responsive behaviours (journals.sagepub.com)
  18. ^ feeling loved and cared about (doi.org)

Read more https://theconversation.com/would-you-be-happy-as-a-long-term-single-the-answer-may-depend-on-your-attachment-style-227595

Times Magazine

Effective Commercial Pest Control Solutions for a Safer Workplace

Keeping a workplace clean, safe, and free from pests is essential for maintaining productivity, protecting employee health, and upholding a company's reputation. Pests pose health risks, can cause structural damage, and can lead to serious legal an...

The Science Behind Reverse Osmosis and Why It Matters

What is reverse osmosis? Reverse osmosis (RO) is a water purification process that removes contaminants by forcing water through a semi-permeable membrane. This membrane allows only water molecules to pass through while blocking impurities such as...

Foodbank Queensland celebrates local hero for National Volunteer Week

Stephen Carey is a bit bananas.   He splits his time between his insurance broker business, caring for his young family, and volunteering for Foodbank Queensland one day a week. He’s even run the Bridge to Brisbane in a banana suit to raise mon...

Senior of the Year Nominations Open

The Allan Labor Government is encouraging all Victorians to recognise the valuable contributions of older members of our community by nominating them for the 2025 Victorian Senior of the Year Awards.  Minister for Ageing Ingrid Stitt today annou...

CNC Machining Meets Stage Design - Black Swan State Theatre Company & Tommotek

When artistry meets precision engineering, incredible things happen. That’s exactly what unfolded when Tommotek worked alongside the Black Swan State Theatre Company on several of their innovative stage productions. With tight deadlines and intrica...

Uniden Baby Video Monitor Review

Uniden has released another award-winning product as part of their ‘Baby Watch’ series. The BW4501 Baby Monitor is an easy to use camera for keeping eyes and ears on your little one. The camera is easy to set up and can be mounted to the wall or a...

The Times Features

Running Across Australia: What Really Holds the Body Together?

How William Goodge’s 3,800km run reveals the connection between movement, mindset, and mental resilience As a business owner, I’ve come to realise that the biggest wins rarely com...

Telehealth is Transforming Healthcare Services in Australia

It has traditionally not been easy to access timely healthcare in Australia, particularly for people who live in remote areas. Many of them spend hours on the road just to see a...

Launchd Acquires Huume, Strengthening Creative Firepower Across Talent-Led Marketing

Launchd, a leader in talent, technology and brand partnerships, has announced its acquisition of influencer talent management agency Huume from IZEA. The move comes as the medi...

Vietnam's "Gold Coast" Emerges as Extraordinary Investment Frontier and Australian Inspired Way of Life

$2 Billion super-city in Vung Tau set to replicate Australia's Gold Coast success story A culturally metamorphic development aptly named "Gold Coast" is set to reshape Vietna...

Choosing the Wrong Agent Is the #1 Regret Among Aussie Property Sellers

Selling your home is often one of the largest financial transactions you’ll make, and for many Australians, it’s also one of the most emotional. A new survey of Australian home se...

Travel Insurance for Families: What Does it Cover and Why it’s Essential

Planning a family trip is exciting, but unexpected mishaps can turn your dream vacation into a stressful ordeal. That’s where travel insurance comes in—it’s your safety net when ...