The Times Australia
The Times World News

.

How to avoid 'toxic positivity' and take the less direct route to happiness

  • Written by Brock Bastian, Professor, Melbourne School of Psychological Sciences, The University of Melbourne
How to avoid 'toxic positivity' and take the less direct route to happiness

The term “toxic positivity[1]” has received a good deal of attention lately. Coming off the back of the “positivity movement” we are beginning to recognise while feeling happy is a good thing, overemphasising the importance of a positive attitude can backfire, ironically leading to more unhappiness.

Yes, research shows happier people tend to live longer, be healthier and enjoy more successful lives[2]. And “very happy people” have more of these benefits relative to only averagely happy people[3]. But pursued in certain ways, happiness or positivity can become toxic.

Our research, published in The Journal of Positive Psychology[4] and involving almost 500 people, was inspired by these apparently inconsistent findings – pursuing happiness may be both good and bad for our well-being. We aimed to uncover a key ingredient that turns positivity toxic.

Read more: The rise of pop-psychology: can it make your life better, or is it all snake-oil?[5]

Expecting the best, feeling worse

Some studies have shown that when people place a high value on their own happiness it can lead to less happiness, especially in contexts where they most expect to feel happy[6].

This tendency to expect happiness and then to feel disappointed or to blame oneself for not feeling happy enough, has been linked to greater depressive symptoms[7] and deficits in well-being[8].

As the line to a cartoon by Randy Glasbergen[9] depicting a patient confessing to his psychologist puts it:

I am very, very happy. But I want to be very, very, very happy, and that is why I’m miserable.

However, researchers[10] have also observed when people prioritise behaviours that maximise the likelihood of their future happiness – rather than attempting to directly increase their levels of happiness “in the moment” – they are more likely to experience improvements (rather than deficits) in their levels of well-being.

This may mean engaging in activities that provide a sense of achievement or purpose, such as volunteering time or completing difficult tasks, or constructing daily routines that support well-being.

This work suggests pursuing happiness indirectly, rather than making it the main focus, could turn our search for positivity from toxic to tonic.

It’s sunny outside. Why aren’t I happy? Unsplash/Ethan Sykes, CC BY[11][12]

Read more: Coronavirus: tiny moments of pleasure really can help us through this stressful time[13]

Valuing happiness vs. prioritising positivity

We wanted to find out what it was about making happiness a focal goal that backfires.

To gain a better understanding, we measured these two approaches to finding happiness: valuing happiness versus prioritising positivity.

People who valued happiness agreed with statements such as “I am concerned about my happiness even when I feel happy” or “If I don’t feel happy, maybe there is something wrong with me”.

People who prioritised positivity agreed with statements such as “I structure my day to maximise my happiness” or “I look for and nurture my positive emotions”.

We also included a measure of the extent to which people feel uncomfortable with their negative emotional experiences. To do this, we asked for responses to statements like: “I see myself as failing in life when feeling depressed or anxious” or “I like myself less when I feel depressed or anxious”.

People who expected to feel happy (scoring high on valuing happiness), also tended to see their negative emotional states as a sign of failure in life and lacked acceptance of these emotional experiences. This discomfort with negative emotions partly explained why they had lower levels of well-being.

On the other hand, people who pursued happiness indirectly (scoring high on prioritising positivity), did not see their negative emotional states this way. They were more accepting of low feelings and did not see them as a sign they were failing in life.

What this shows is when people believe they need to maintain high levels of positivity or happiness all the time to make their lives worthwhile, or to be valued by others, they react poorly to their negative emotions. They struggle with these feelings or try to avoid them, rather than accept them as a normal part of life.

Pursuing happiness indirectly does not lead to this same reaction. Feeling down or stressed is not inconsistent with finding happiness.

woman in sunflower field Aiming to be happy all the time can make setbacks seem like failure. Courtney Cook/Unsplash, CC BY[14][15]

Read more: Here comes the sun: how the weather affects our mood[16]

What makes positivity toxic?

So, it appears the key ingredient in toxic positivity is not positivity itself, after all. Rather, it is how a person’s attitude to happiness leads them to respond to negative experiences in life.

The prospect of experiencing pain, failure, loss, or disappointment in life is unavoidable. There are times we are going to feel depressed, anxious, fearful, or lonely. This is a fact. What matters is how we respond to these experiences. Do we lean into them and accept them for what they are, or do we try to avoid and escape from them?

Read more: Why bad moods are good for you: the surprising benefits of sadness[17]

If we are aiming to be happy all the time then we might feel tough times are interrupting our goal. But if we simply put a priority on positivity, we are less concerned by these feelings – we see them as an ingredient in the good life and part of the overall journey.

Rather than always trying to “turn a frown upside down”, we are more willing to sit with our low or uncomfortable emotions and understand that doing so will, in the long run, make us happy.

Learning to respond rather than react to these emotions is a key enabler of our happiness.

Our reaction to discomfort is often to get away and to reduce the pain. This might mean we employ ineffective emotion regulation strategies such as avoiding or suppressing unpleasant feelings.

If we do, we fail to engage with the insights an unpleasant experiences bring. Responding well to these experiences means getting “discomfortable” – being comfortable with our discomfort. Then we can be willing to feel what we feel and get curious about why those feeling are there. Taking this response allows us to increase our understanding, see our choices, and make better decisions.

As the saying[18] goes: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional”.

References

  1. ^ toxic positivity (twitter.com)
  2. ^ lives (psycnet.apa.org)
  3. ^ people (journals.sagepub.com)
  4. ^ The Journal of Positive Psychology (www.tandfonline.com)
  5. ^ The rise of pop-psychology: can it make your life better, or is it all snake-oil? (theconversation.com)
  6. ^ happy (psycnet.apa.org)
  7. ^ symptoms (guilfordjournals.com)
  8. ^ well-being (escholarship.org)
  9. ^ Randy Glasbergen (www.glasbergen.com)
  10. ^ researchers (psycnet.apa.org)
  11. ^ Unsplash/Ethan Sykes (unsplash.com)
  12. ^ CC BY (creativecommons.org)
  13. ^ Coronavirus: tiny moments of pleasure really can help us through this stressful time (theconversation.com)
  14. ^ Courtney Cook/Unsplash (unsplash.com)
  15. ^ CC BY (creativecommons.org)
  16. ^ Here comes the sun: how the weather affects our mood (theconversation.com)
  17. ^ Why bad moods are good for you: the surprising benefits of sadness (theconversation.com)
  18. ^ saying (www.goodreads.com)

Read more https://theconversation.com/how-to-avoid-toxic-positivity-and-take-the-less-direct-route-to-happiness-170260

Times Magazine

Headless CMS in Digital Twins and 3D Product Experiences

Image by freepik As the metaverse becomes more advanced and accessible, it's clear that multiple sectors will use digital twins and 3D product experiences to visualize, connect, and streamline efforts better. A digital twin is a virtual replica of ...

The Decline of Hyper-Casual: How Mid-Core Mobile Games Took Over in 2025

In recent years, the mobile gaming landscape has undergone a significant transformation, with mid-core mobile games emerging as the dominant force in app stores by 2025. This shift is underpinned by changing user habits and evolving monetization tr...

Understanding ITIL 4 and PRINCE2 Project Management Synergy

Key Highlights ITIL 4 focuses on IT service management, emphasising continual improvement and value creation through modern digital transformation approaches. PRINCE2 project management supports systematic planning and execution of projects wit...

What AI Adoption Means for the Future of Workplace Risk Management

Image by freepik As industrial operations become more complex and fast-paced, the risks faced by workers and employers alike continue to grow. Traditional safety models—reliant on manual oversight, reactive investigations, and standardised checklist...

From Beach Bops to Alpine Anthems: Your Sonos Survival Guide for a Long Weekend Escape

Alright, fellow adventurers and relaxation enthusiasts! So, you've packed your bags, charged your devices, and mentally prepared for that glorious King's Birthday long weekend. But hold on, are you really ready? Because a true long weekend warrior kn...

Effective Commercial Pest Control Solutions for a Safer Workplace

Keeping a workplace clean, safe, and free from pests is essential for maintaining productivity, protecting employee health, and upholding a company's reputation. Pests pose health risks, can cause structural damage, and can lead to serious legal an...

The Times Features

Tricia Paoluccio designer to the stars

The Case for Nuturing Creativity in the Classroom, and in our Lives I am an actress and an artist who has had the privilege of sharing my work across many countries, touring my ...

Duke of Dural to Get Rooftop Bar as New Owners Invest in Venue Upgrade

The Duke of Dural, in Sydney’s north-west, is set for a major uplift under new ownership, following its acquisition by hospitality group Good Beer Company this week. Led by resp...

Prefab’s Second Life: Why Australia’s Backyard Boom Needs a Circular Makeover

The humble granny flat is being reimagined not just as a fix for housing shortages, but as a cornerstone of circular, factory-built architecture. But are our systems ready to s...

Melbourne’s Burglary Boom: Break-Ins Surge Nearly 25%

Victorian homeowners are being warned to act now, as rising break-ins and falling arrest rates paint a worrying picture for suburban safety. Melbourne residents are facing an ...

Exploring the Curriculum at a Modern Junior School in Melbourne

Key Highlights The curriculum at junior schools emphasises whole-person development, catering to children’s physical, emotional, and intellectual needs. It ensures early year...

Distressed by all the bad news? Here’s how to stay informed but still look after yourself

If you’re feeling like the news is particularly bad at the moment, you’re not alone. But many of us can’t look away – and don’t want to. Engaging with news can help us make ...